By W.C. Jameson
Passed down through oral culture, Texas folks sayings are expressive, special, beneficial, pleasant, fairly descriptive, commonly weird and wonderful, and consistently exciting. "Bubbas" have a manner of speaking that may depart the remainder of us pondering what is been acknowledged. a lot of the colourful language of those rural people harks again to the early days of Texas settlers, and has been in use ever considering the fact that. pass into any small Texas city, take a seat within the neighborhood cafe at breakfast time, and you'll good listen nearly each word during this booklet. Bubba communicate is sort of required analyzing for somebody new to the country of Texas. just like the overseas language books that we stock abroad, this publication will allow the customer to speak or even comprehend many of the dialog. So "set a spell" as you are taking an expedition throughout the colourful language and expressions of Bubba communicate. learn those expressions out loud -- they sound larger that manner.
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Additional info for Bubba speak: Texas folk sayings
Cut my legs off and call me shorty! Well don't that take the whole biscuit! Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher! I'll be hornswoggled! I'll be jiggered! I'll be dipped! horse Gentle as a newborn colt Ghost Spook Haint Speert Page 70 Booger Goblin Gossip That woman's mouth is always movin' like the south end of a goose When she talks it sounds like a bumblebee in a dry gourd Hangin' out dirty washin' His mouth was a-goin' like a cotton gin in pickin' time Loose talk Moccasin talk Back fence talk Tongue waggin' Jaw flappin' Yammerin' Guarantee Lead pipe cinch As sure as a chicken has feathers Page 71 As certain as a bear has hair You can bet your bottom dollar You can bet the ranch on that You can bet your mama and her kids You can bet your next born child on that Greeting Light down and cool your saddle How's your tobacco taste today?
Title : Bubba Speak : Texas Folk Sayings author : Jameson, W. C. publisher : Republic of Texas Press isbn10 | asin : 1556226160 print isbn13 : 9781556226168 ebook isbn13 : 9780585262499 language : English subject English language--Dialects--Texas--Glossaries, vocabularies. etc, Americanisms--Texas--Dictionaries, Figures of speech--Dictionaries. 9764 subject : English language--Dialects--Texas--Glossaries, vocabularies. etc, Americanisms--Texas--Dictionaries, Figures of speech--Dictionaries. Page i Bubba Speak Texas Folk Sayings W, C.
Read them often, become familiar with them, and at every opportunity try to use them in a conversation. Page 1 A Abandoned Left like last year's newspapers As unneeded as a two-year-old bird's nest Left out in the cold Left out in the pasture His family left him to be raised by wolves Left him high and dry like a used-up oil well Acceptable Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick Close enough for government work Can't beat it with a stick Took to it like a fish to water Cookin' on the front burner Page 2 It beats pickin' cotton It'll do till something better comes along That dog will hunt It beats diggin' postholes Suits me to a fare-thee-well That beats a hen a-scratchin' It sure beats a hen a-lopin' Accident-Prone He could fall down walkin' from the house to the barn She once fell out of a church pew Page 3 He could cut himself with a picture of a razor She'd fall off the rocking chair She would run into the ladder after you put it up in the shed Accurate Hit the nail on the head Right as rain Right on target Right on the money On the mark Couldn't have said it better myself Bingo Bull's eye Active As a spider on a hot stove As a chinch on a griddle As a tick in a tar pot As the tip of a cat's tail Page 4 As a lizard on a hot rock As hot grease on a skillet As a month-old puppy with no quit Bouncin' like she's got briers in her tail Movin' like he's got springs in his butt Like two bobcats in a croaker sack She moves like she was fightin' fires in her pants Like a coon's tail when its neck's broke As a fox in a henhouse As a worm on a hot sidewalk As a stump-tailed bull at fly time He's so lively you'd think he was twins Advice It takes gizzard and guts to get along in this world Still waters run deep and the devil lays at the bottom If you get burnt you got to sit on the blister Two wrongs never make a right All the world is a goose, and them that don't pick won't get no feathers It don't take no big bone to choke a cow Page 5 It ain't the dog in the fight, it's the fight in the dog Don't chew your tobacco but once When you're up to your neck in cow anure, don't open your mouth When your hand is in the dog's mouth never yank his tail Keep your wagon between the ditches Afraid Scared as a jackrabbit runnin' from a coyote Scared as a jackrabbit in a coyote's back pocket He took off like a jackrabbit in tall grass He jumped like he'd stepped on a raw egg He jumped like he just stepped on a frog So scared his skin jumped up and crawled all over him He'd get cold feet in the desert in the summertime He was so scared his heart was beatin' like a drummer with the hiccups So afraid he swallowed his chewin' tobacco Afraid of his own shadow Afraid of his own face in the mirror Page 6 Aggressive Aggressive as a fundamentalist preacher As a snake oil salesman As a Bible salesman As a television preacher As a used car salesman As a hungry coon As a newborn calf searchin' for his mama's teat Age Older than dirt Older than granite Older than the Flood Older than Methuselah His measurin' stick is right long He's already waded his deepest water The spring has gone out of his chicken He's gettin' long in the tooth Page 7 Alike Squeezed from the same udder Drained from the same crankcase Two peas in a pod Mixed in the same bowl Cut from the same cloth Not a dime's worth of difference between them Two sheep from the same flock Like puppies from the same litter Alone As alone as a Catholic at a Baptist convention As a ham sandwich at a Jewish picnic As a cup of coffee at a Mormon picnic In bad company He rattles around like one pea in a pod Page 8 Alternatives There's more ways to kill a hog than chokin' him on hot butter More than one way to skin a cat More than one way to eat corn on the cob More than one way to break a horse Every coin has two sides Amazing That'll blow your hat in the creek That'll shuck your corn That'll melt your butter That'll snap your girdle That'll knock you plumb off the fence Anxious Wound up tighter than a two-dollar watch As a little boy on Christmas Eve As a dry steer smellin' water Page 9 Appearances She looks like an unmade bed He looks like he was rode hard and put up wet He looked like he had been whipped with a fence post Argumentative He'd argue with a pump handle She'd argue with a wooden Indian Page 10 Could start a fight in an empty henhouse He's got his tail lit up So contrary he floats upstream He'd argue with a fence post Attack Jump on him like ugly on an ape Shoot with both barrels Climb his hump with spurs on He came on with his arms a-flailin' like windmill blades Avoid Dance around the problem Avoid him like plague on a stick If he takes the right fork, you take the left I'd rather turn down a dirt road than meet him on the highway I'd travel clear to Lubbock just to avoid meetin' him on the road I've ducked him so much I feel like quackin' Page 11 Awake As a hoot-owl As awake as the sun Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Awkward She moves like a cow on crutches As clumsy as a blind bear in a brier patch As awkward as an elephant tryin' to use a typewriter Page 12 Like a duck out of water As taking the in-laws on the honeymoon She'd fall down just a-thinkin' about walkin' Page 13 B Bad He was soured on the cob Rotten before he was ripe Spoilt before he was prime Came from a litter of barn skunks Could drive a preacher to cuss Lower than a snake's belly Bad enough to be locked up under the jail He's got a room reserved in hell Mean enough to suck eggs and hide the shells Runs with wolves and rattlesnakes When he was born the doctor slapped him Then he slapped the doctor back Page 14 Beaten Had your plow cleaned Been sandpapered Whipped like a red-headed stepchild Knocked into next month Had his tail-feathers trimmed Beaten like a stubborn mule Knocked cold enough to skate on Beat bumpy Somebody did a tap dance on his head A big fellow did a two-step on his body Beware Katy bar the door Big Big as a skinned horse So big he looks like he ate his brother Page 15 Big as a cocklebur under the tongue So big she has to sit down in shifts He's big for a man but not too big for a horse Big as Brewster County As West Texas As Dallas As all outdoors Big as a barn Big enough to hunt bears with a switch Big as a #4 washtub She fills up a room like she was wearin' it You could split him in half and still have enough for two people Big as a boar hog As a wagonload A barrel full Big enough to hold all the sinners in church Big enough to fill two chairs Blind Blind as a bat Page 16 As a cloud As a mole As a day-old kitten As a gopher As a cactus As a rock As a back door Boasting She can strut sitting down All hat and no hogs All a-gurgle and no guts I'm a curly-tailed wolf with a pink ass I'm a ring-tailed panther Wild and woolly and hard to curry He killed three preachers before he was seven years old All wool, warp, and a yard wide I can pry up creation and put a chunk under it He had calluses from pattin' himself on his own back Throwin' a lot of dust Page 17 As full of wind as a bull in corn time Blowin' harder than a hurricane If braggin' was food, he'd weigh 400 pounds Bootlegging He raises more corn than ever goes to mill Sellin' pumpkins Haulin' the corn crop in jugs A back road delivery man Bootleg Whiskey Pure quill Crow liquor So pure you can smell the feet of the boys that plowed the corn Mountain dew Rotgut Page 18 Boring Life do get daily Boring as a wooden Indian Boring as a fishing trip with a game warden Like scraping dead flies off flypaper Bored silly Bored witless Conversation with her is like taking three sleepin' pills Bowlegged So bowed he couldn't stop a pig in a ditch She looks like she's been a-carryin' pumpkins between her knees Banjo-legged Bowlegged as a barrel stave Her legs could bracket a nail keg without touchin' the sides Page 19 Bravery As brave as the first man who ate an oyster He's got two backbones He'd walk a tightrope without a net He's got more guts than you could hang on a fence Charge hell with a bucket of water Spit in a wildcat's eye He's got more sand than the desert He'd fight a rattlesnake and spot it the first bite Walk into hell alone and unarmed Brave enough to be a first grade teacher Brave enough to face a Mexican bull Play tennis in a minefield He'd wade into a bar fight with a smile on his face Broke Flatter than a fritter Couldn't buy dust Down to my last chip Page 20 So broke he couldn't change his mind The bank won't even let me draw breath If money was leather, I couldn't make shoes for a mayfly I got spiderwebs in my wallet where my money ought to be He ain't heard the eagle scream in over a month Busy Busy as ants at a picnic As a bee in a tar bucket As a fly in a molasses jar As a man with one hoe and two rattlesnakes No grass grows under his feet Busy as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest As a one-armed paperhanger As two coons fightin' in a tow sack As a hen with one chicken As a fiddler's elbow As a hound in flea season Busier than a one-eyed cat watchin' three mice Page 21 Busy as a buzz saw in a pine knot As a chicken eating out of a pie pan As a barefoot boy in an ant bed As a bartender on payday As a bee in a bottle As a long-nosed weevil in a cotton patch As a preacher countin' tithe money Page 22 C Capable Has horse sense She's got some snap in her garters He could find a whisper in a whirlwind No slack in his rope It ain't his first rodeo He could track a bumblebee blindfolded in a blizzard He can pick a good horse anytime He's got a lot of arrows in his quiver He can find his way around Fort Worth He's got ''can do" branded on both arms Careful Plays his cards close to the vest Page 23 Never rides more than one wagon at a time As careful as a welder in a gasoline refinery As a cat in a roomful of rockin' chairs Cautious Keeps his ear to the ground Keeps his powder dry Wary as a cat in a dog kennel Celebration Shooting out the lights Throw your hat over the chicken house Paint the town Paint the front porch Be there with bells on Hallelujah the country Kickin' up your heels Puttin' on the blanket Page 24 Certainty Sure as shootin' Sure as I'm standin' here Sure as a goose goes barefooted Sure as a wagon wheel's round Sure as you're born Sure as a dead man stinks Sure as snakes crawl Sure as God made little green apples That takes the whole biscuit Lead pipe cinch He was so certain he promised to eat his hat, feather and all Certain as a gut cinch Sure as a bear has hair As a snake slithers Damn straight Page 25 Charming She could make the old feel young and the poor feel rich He could charm a bird out of a tree, the skin off a rattlesnake, a preacher's wife out of her corset, the legs off a table Cheated He got the short end of the stick He paid for a bull and got a billy goat Hornswoggled Suckered Clean Clean as a hound dog's tooth, as a June rabbit, as a whistle, as a new penny, Page 26 as a boiled white shirt, as a brand new store-bought mirror, as a fresh-scrubbed youngster at church Clear Skies Fairing off Fairing up Moderatin' Breakin' up Close A stone's throw away Hollerin' distance Close enough to share a buttonhole Spittin' distance Clumsy He couldn't hit the ground if he fell Page 27 Clumsy as a bull in a china shop, as a three-legged cow in labor, as a hog on ice, as a drunk climbin' out of a bathtub Cold Cold as an outhouse in the winter, as a well-digger's butt, as a well-digger's toe, as a well-digger's knee, as a banker's heart So cold the wolves are eatin' the sheep for the wool Cold as a frog in winter, as a witch's tit, as a witch's kneecaps, as a hammer in the snow Cold as an ex-wife's heart Cold as an ex-wife's lawyer Cold as a mother-in-law's kiss Cold enough to be hog killin' weather Page 28 Cold as a cast-iron commode Cold as a pump handle in the winter Cold as kraut Cold as a wagon tire Cold as a hammer Cold as a snake Cold as Colorado spring water Colder than a Montana well driller It was so cold the cows gave icicles when milked Colder than a knot on the North Pole Cold enough to freeze the horns off a billy goat Cold as a snake in the deep freezer Cold as a pawnbroker's smile Cold enough to freeze the tail off a brass monkey Cold enough to make cows give ice cream Cold as a turnip Colors Black as night Black as coal Page 29 Black as the pits of hell Black as pitch Blacker than the heart of a pirate Blacker than a kettle in hell Blue as a possum's cod Green as grass Green as a gourd Pea green So green you could scrape it off Green as sap Green as poison Green as a new limb Pink as a baby's spanked butt Red as a turkey's snout in the spring White as the inside of a toadstool Common Common as cornbread Common as pig tracks Common as coon tracks on a riverbank Page 30 Common as dishwater Common as flies on a carcass Common as weeds in an Arkansas corn patch Competent She could show the devil how to manage hell He could run hell for a campground He can read and write, figger and fight, whup and throw down Page 31 He could put out hell with a bucket of water He could find a whisper in a whirlwind Could track a hornet in a hurricane Complete That puts the lid on the jar That makes it sundown for me That's the whole shootin' match Eight bits makes a buck That brings the curtain down That shuts the door on that deal Compliment You're nicer than you are ugly You look fittin' You look like the pick of the litter You look a lot more like you do now than you did when you was a while ago Page 32 Conceited He's so conceited that God's overcoat wouldn't make him a vest He's puffed up with air She's got flies up her nose He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow So stuck up she'd drown if it rained on her Confused Cattywumpus in my mind Confused as a goat on a shag carpet I got my tongue caught in my eyeteeth and I couldn't see what I was saying He doesn't know a bit from his butt Buffaloed Barking up the wrong tree He's driving the wrong herd to market Confused as a woodpecker in a petrified forest Confused as a goose huntin' thunder Confused as a June bug on a hot griddle Page 33 Confused as a calf starin' at a new gate Confused as a turkey with a train ticket Contrary He throws a different loop If the sun is shinin', he'll say it's rainin' He's a maverick He wears straw hats in the winter and felt hats in the summer He marches to a different drummer If you tossed him in the river, he'd float upstream If you say it's sunny, she'll say it's dark Page 34 If you say gee, she says haw Corn On the Cob Roastin' ears Sweet corn Fresh corn Garden corn Courting He's trying to tie her to the snortin' post He's a-suffering from Cupid's cramps She gets called on as regular as a goose goes barefooted He's fixin' to get lady-broke Cowardly Even if you melted him down, you couldn't pour him into a fight A cat looks big until the dog shows up Page 35 He's as yellow as mustard He's got a yellow stripe down his back wide as his butt Crazy He's got cobwebs in his attic Crazy as a bull in a peach orchard Crazy as a bullbat If you put her brain in a sparrow it would fly backwards Born on Crazy Creek One brick shy of a load Page 36 Two pickles short of a picnic A few pickles short of a barrel Overdrawn at the memory bank The porch light's on but no one's home Crazy as a bessy bug Missing a few buttons off his shirt She's got a hole in her screen door He must have been knocked in the head with a churn dasher Someone stole his rudder He was full-grown in body only Crazy as a parrot eatin' stick candy North of his ears he was all snowdrift Crazy as a sheepherder He'd have to study to be a half-wit His banjo ain't tuned right Crazier than a pet coon Crazier than my ex-wife Page 37 Crowded The place was so crowded you had to grease your hips to turn around So thick with people you couldn't cock a pistol Ain't enough room to cuss a cat without gettin' hair in your mouth So crowded it looked like all of hell and half of Georgia You couldn't swing a cat without hittin' something The place was as crowded as a Baptist revival Packed to the rafters Packed like cows in a haulin' trailer Crowded as sardines in a can Crowded as hogs at the trough So crowded you couldn't stir 'em with a stick So crowded you had to go outside to change your mind More crowded than an East Texas tent revival Like havin' eight people in a telephone booth As crowded as havin' all the in-laws for supper Page 38 D Dance He dances fit to bust a gizzard string Cuts a rug Them gals can make their dress-tails pop He slings a nasty ankle Hoedownin' Huggin' to the music Boot scootin' Rubbin' belt buckles Hoofin'to the music Smokin' them boots Two-steppin' Bone-shufflin' Page 39 Dangerous Got a bad cat on the line Dangerous as wearin' a metal hat in a lightnin' storm Dangerous as peein' on an electric fence Dangerous as wadin' in quicksand Dangerous as walkin' barefoot on an anthill Dangerous as ridin' a tornado bareback Dangerous as grabbin' the wrong end of the brandin' iron Dangerous as milkin' a longhorn cow Dangerous as a bobcat in your bedroll Dangerous as tryin' to shoe a wild bronco Dark Dark as the inside of a coffin Dark as a pile of black cats Dark as a wolf's stomach Dark as a wolf's mouth Dark as a pocket Dark as a sleeping bear's dream Page 40 Dark as coffee Dark as a wad of black cats on a moonless night So dark you couldn't find your nose with both hands Dark as the backside of Hades Dark as an East Texas woods on a cloudy midnight Death He's gone to buzzard bait He traded in his banjo for a harp Dead as Pompeii He made peace with the ground They pulled the green quilt over her Deader'n a doornail Deader'n a hammer Deader than a crowbar Deader'n a horseshoe He shook hands with eternity He's pushin' up daisies He's answered his last roll call He turned toes and belly up Page 41 Deader'n a lightin' bug in a milk pitcher Deader'n hell in a preacher's backyard Too dead to skin Stiff as a pool cue Deaf Deaf as a river mussel Deaf as an oyster Deaf as a fence post Deaf as thirty-year-old mule Deaf as granite rock Deaf as a brick So deaf he couldn't hear thunder So deaf he couldn't hear a train if he was lyin' on the track Deep Deeper than the world Deeper than Jacob's well All the way to bedrock and beyond Page 42 That hole was so deep you could hear Chinese talkin' at the other end Deeper than a Hill Country sinkhole Deeper than a West Texas oil well Dependable He'll go to the well with you He'll do to ride the river with He can hold it steady in the road Plows a straight row to the end of the field and back Page 43 Depressed He's down so low you couldn't get a jack under him As depressing as homecoming in an orphanage He's so low he could walk under a trundle bed with a top hat on Her heart was as heavy as a bucket of hog livers My heart is as heavy as a bucket of horseshoes He's lower than a mole's belly So low he could jump off a nickel He's so low he could walk under a gate Difficulty As difficult as trying to bag flies About as hard as puttin' butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot awl It's a long shot with a limb in the way Difficult as pushin' a wet noodle through a keyhole Hard as shinnyin' up an oak tree with an armload of eels Hard as climbin' a greased pole with two baskets of eggs As difficult as puttin' pantyhose on a bobcat Page 44 Hard as putting socks on a rooster Up a creek without a paddle It's like wadin' backwards in a high creek It's like tryin' to teach a mermaid to do splits Hard as sneakin' dawn past a rooster Hard as holdin' a handful of bullfrogs Difficult as tryin' to ride a cyclone Difficult as tryin' to shovel out the sunshine Difficult as plowing a wet field with a drunk mule Difficult as pickin' fly shit out of black pepper Difficult as playin' poker blindfolded Page 45 Difficult as tryin' to curry a bobcat with a toothache Difficult as tryin' to lick honey off a blackberry vine Difficult as tryin' to catch a greased pig Discouraged As discouraged as a rice planter up a salt river His tail is draggin' the ground His face is long enough to eat oats out of a butter churn Dishonest There are a bunch of nooses in his family tree He's so crooked that you can't tell from his tracks if he's coming or going He's so dishonest he'd play cards with a politician He'd lie on credit if he knew he could cash it in for the truth He can steal your money slicker than a roomful of lawyers He's on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck He don't pass all he chaws Page 46 Crooked as a dog's hind leg Crooked as the devil's backbone Crooked as Turkey Creek Crooked as a pretzel Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks He's got faces all around his head Couldn't trust him any farther than you could throw him His mouth ain't no prayer book Slippery as a pocket full of pudding He's so crooked he has to unscrew his socks before going to bed He's so crooked they'll have to screw him into his coffin when he passes away He'd steal flies from a blind spider Disheveled He looked like he'd been drug through a brush heap backwards Rode hard and put up wet Looked like a poor boy at a frolic Rumpled Page 47 Looks like he'd been drug through the pasture with his clothes on Dislike She hates me like a hog hates cholera She thinks I'm lower than a cockroach's belly She hates me worse than the devil hates holy water She wouldn't pour water on me if I was on fire I like her about as well as I like my mother-in-law Distance A far piece A fer piece A long piece A good piece A middlin' piece Up the trail a piece Beyond yonder Farther than you can see with the naked eye Long as a country mile Page 48 A hoot and a holler away A nine-iron shot away Drinking I use it to rinse my mouth but I don't spit it out Bendin' an elbow Paintin' my tonsils with tarantula juice He drinks enough to float a bass boat He drinks enough to flood a badger den He only drinks on the days that end in ''y" Drunk Drunker than a fiddler's bitch When he was born he was squeezed out of a bartender's rag Drunker than a boiled owl Drunker than two judges Lit up like a church house Snot-slinging drunk Drunker than who-shot-John Page 49 Commode-hugging, knee-walking drunk Drunker than Cooter Brown Drunker than a Baptist preacher out of town He was so drunk the world looked little to him Drunk as a skunk Too much mash Skull cramps So drunk he couldn't find his own mouth without a leadin' string He was so drunk he had to hold onto the grass before he could lean against the ground So drunk he couldn't tell wet from windy Higher than a Georgia pine Higher than a hawk's nest Higher than a kite Page 50 Drunker'n a fired cowboy Hymn-singin' drunk Three sheets and two pillowcases to the wind Dry So dry the Baptists are sprinkling, the Methodists are spitting, and the Catholics are giving rain checks Dry as a fish hawk's nest Drier than the middle of a haystack So dry the catfish are carrying canteens Dry as a powder horn So dry the trees are bribing dogs Dry as an old maid's kiss It's so dry, you'd have to prime yourself to spit Dry as a frog under a cabbage leaf So dry the catfish have ticks So dry the ducks never learned how to swim It's so dry we only got two inches of rain during Noah's Flood Dry as a bone Page 51 Dry as dust Dry as El Paso County Dull As watching paint dry Duller than a widow-woman's ax Dull as chopping wood Dull as a frow Dull as an old hoe As exciting as a mashed potato sandwich Page 52 Dull as a week-old beer No speed, no sparkle If'n he was bacon, he wouldn't sizzle if you left him on the fire all day His knife is so dull you could ride to the mill on it with no blanket Dumb So dumb he spits upwind If brains were leather he wouldn't have enough to saddle a flea Dumb as a sack of stones Dumb as a bucket of rocks Dumb as dirt Dumb as dirt on a stick There's a big gap in his hedge If brains were bacon, he wouldn't even sizzle If brains were ink, she couldn't dot an i If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose If you put his brain in a bumblebee it would fly backwards Page 53 He's so ignorant that when he tells you howdy he's told you all he knows Dumb as a post Tryin' to teach him somthin' is like poundin' sand in a rathole Tryin' to teach her somethin' is like chasin' a chigger around a stump He carries his brains in his coat pocket Dumb as a watermelon He don't know big wood from kindlin' So dumb she can't tell "come here" from "sic 'em" So dumb he could screw up an anvil He was out behind the barn when they passed out the brains So dumb he couldn't teach a hen to cluck He has as many brains as a turtle has feathers He couldn't drive a nail in a snowbank He's got the brains of grasshopper She's got the brains of a gnat He couldn't track an elephant in ten feet of snow There ain't nothin' under his hat but hair He ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer He's dumb enough to be twins Page 54 He'd have to study a week just to be stupid He has the IQ of a gourd He has the IQ of a Brazos River mussel He's as smart as a catfish: all mouth and no brains She couldn't count to twenty with her socks off She ain't got a lick of sense He don't know gee from haw Page 55 E Eager He jumped on that like a duck on a June bug He's hot to trot and already a-saddled Easy No hill for a climber Easy as peach pie Dead easy Easy as fallin' off a log Easy as sellin' watermelons in July Easy as a cat climbin' a tree Piece of cake Easy as shooting ducks in a barrel Easy as catchin' fish in a barrel Page 56 Easy as catchin' fish with dynamite Empty Empty as a dead man's eyes Empty as a preacher's head Empty as a chicken farmer's bank account Empty as a banker's heart Empty as a brassiere hangin' on the clothesline Empty as last year's bird nest Empty as an old maid's dreams Empty as a cotton sack in January Exaggerate Pourin' short sweetenin' into long Gildin' the rose She was known to stretch the blanket His facts are made out of elastic He can puff up the truth so you hardly recognize it Page 57 Excited Her bobbin is wound tight He's stoked up like a steam engine Runnin' around like a chicken with its head cut off Jumpin' around like a lizard on a hot griddle She was so excited the wax popped out of her ears Settin' the woods on fire Excited as a calf in new clover Excited as a bug in a tater patch Exclamation Well, slap the dog and spit in the fire!